~Survived the Holidays (Somewhat) Intact~

Things are finally settling down in my household after a completely insane holiday season. I don't know what it is about the time from Thanksgiving until New Years Day that makes me so anxious and borderline insane.

I went out shopping on Black Friday at midnight, braved the crowds with a coffee in hand, and had a blast ~ no panic, not even low grade anxiety. But a two weeks ago I went to the grocery store during the day and had such a bad panic attack that I literally left my half-full cart in the middle of the dairy aisle and booked it out of there, with my son in tow. I was so embarrassed at the time. Obviously I am over it now (and I have decided to never fucking go there again haha).

Hopefully now I can breathe a bit better, but I will say I was at Target yesterday and I felt a bit uneasy. Maybe because I was over thinking things...maybe just because it's January and the weather in Illinois is so dreadful....maybe because my anxiety is just going a bit unchecked. Whatever it is...I wouldn't wish a panic attack upon my worst enemy. It makes me wish for a Clonazepam drip and a double shot of Ciroc.

Panic attacks are just horrible. Winter usually makes them worse - nothing like all that summer sun to keep the wickedness of anxiety at bay! But I have to get through the badass January and the even worse February before a hint of Speing comes along.

I find solace in listening to music and writing. I just started writing again recently, as I was busy doing DIY renovations in my basement (that is a whole 'nother story). Now that things are settling down and I find myself with a bit of free time I can chill a bit. It's nice but what I wouldn't do for a goddamned massage and room service and my own remote and 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Some people really take moms (single or not) for granted. It isn't some easy gig where you turn on the TV and eat and relax all day. It is hit-the-ground-running....constant care....never get a moments peace because even if they are sleeping you are worrying and checking and cleaning.

(Hypomania much?)

Fuck the massage. Send me some Pinot Grigio and the complete set of 'ER'. That will cure what ails me. ;)

xoxo