After I swore I would never do that again (haha!!) I made myself a spartan breakfast and reflected a bit on how I can be so self-destructive when I am upset....a pattern I have always done.
And I don't fucking get it.
I know that people see me and make an assumption. I know that I am judged right off the bat. I know that I get stereotyped.
But I know who I am. What I am about. And I know that the ammo people will use to try to hurt me is usually related to my physical appearance and/or my past...or any weaknesses I may have shared.
For example....I LOVE how people throw shit in each other faces. I don't really love it, I am being sarcastic. LOL (Like dude, I told you that in confidence...now you use it against me? How truly un-fucking-fair!)
It's like when people are mad they forget why they even gave a damn about the other person in the first place. Yes, you don't have to like them....you don't have to want to know them....but why tear them down and leave them so raw and wounded? What is it about human nature that makes us want to rise above others by making them feel so low?
I am guilty of all that. I try now, as an empathetic adult, to not be so childish and catty. I know now to THINK before I SPEAK. That hurtful words can damage so much more than a serious crack to the jaw. That I would rather be whipped by a cat o' nine than have someone say something negative....but hell, if we are talking about a bit of S&M then I am getting WAY off the subject.....because there is always a little bit of pleasure with a little bit of pain...(Ms. Madonna?).
Damn it, now I am so off base.
I just don't get it. John Lennon had it when he sang "All You Need is Love..."....a little more kindness and love and tact in this world would make a huge bit of difference. Why go around life acting like a jag off? Why not find a bit of happiness in the first snow of winter...or the first smell of spring...the burn of that first shot of whiskey...or the smell of a newborns head....the feeling when you buy something you have wanted for months....the love your family gives you....that heat you feel when talking to someone special....
And how about a cleavage pic to mellow the mood?
See ya.
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1 comments:
You wrote about finding happiness in good things. I agree with that. I especially agree with finding a bit of happiness in a really nice cleavage pic.
*****
You equated having three too many with wallowing in self pity. I don't see it that way. When you have three too many you're doing something to cure the self pity. Here, let me explain.
Drink too much tonight. And viola! Tomorrow the self pity is gone. It's replaced by a screaming head. And by a rumbling stomach. But the drinking worked. The emotional hurt is gone.
That's alcohol put to its highest and best use.
Oh, there's one more thing. I liked how you worked in that part about pleasure and pain.
You write really well, Ms. Vanessa Sue.
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